fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
