At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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