I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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