the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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