I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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