She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
