Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
