A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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