If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Four minutes until I can fart!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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