Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Can i not drive my cunt home
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
