So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I need to calm my uterus...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
