I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
