Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
