Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
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