I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
