Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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