You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
