Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
