This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
