She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
