this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
