My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
