Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize