Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
