I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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