it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
