things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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