My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
