who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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