I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
