Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
