I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
