you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
