is your mom at the bar?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
