She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
