I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
