he wants to bone in the snuggie
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
