I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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