I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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