so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
