Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
