This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
