they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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