I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
