On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
