I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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