you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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