Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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