Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
