maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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