I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
