A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
