I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
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This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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