I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
