you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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