We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My balls are so social today.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
