Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
