You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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