I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
