Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
