I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
