Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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