You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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