As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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