two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
