Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
