I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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