it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
