life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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