I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
