Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
